My college years were a defining time in my mental health journey. Had I known then that what I was struggling with was anxiety, much of what I struggled with could have been very different. With the stress of shifting friendships, joining and leaving student organizations, a newfound sense of freedom, and the strain of full-time academics, I thought it was just how college was supposed to be. In hindsight, that didn’t have to be the truth. These are the 5 things I would have done differently to care for my mental health: If I could talk to my 18-22-year-old self, these are the tools I’d tell her to embrace. Without exception, anxiety and depression lose the battle in your mind when you choose to connect with a trusted, loved person in your life. Anxiety and depression lose when you speak about your struggle, rather than burying it down deep. If you’re going back to school this semester worried about how you’ll make it through another panic attack, another day when getting out of bed feels impossible, another day when the anxious thoughts are so loud you don’t know what’s true, I implore you to take these nuggets and include…
If you were one of the 32 million Americans reportedly tuning into the 2024 Olympics, you know Simone Biles had an amazing redemption tour. She’s brought a few medals home to add to her already impressive collection, but that is, arguably, not the most significant impact she made. Simone Biles spent 4 years working on her mental health. She returned to the Olympics and killed it. What is this teaching the millions of young female athletes watching and learning from her? Great athleticism and mental health do not have to be mutually exclusive. They watched the GOAT in her element with a genuine smile and a matt-side meditation practice. She challenged the idea that athletic success must be a miserable journey. Why? Because, as she says, “mental health matters”. This is a defining moment in the conversation around mental health in athletics. Your athletes are learning. They are celebrating her accomplishments and they are celebrating her bravery in her willingness to be vulnerable. Are you? As a coach, a mentor, or a leader in athletics, are you creating a safe space to discuss mental health? The reality is, this conversation saves lives. Even if we take Simone Biles’ passionate display…
We’re approaching one of those hard days. For some, it’s a day of sweetness, for others a day of stress, and, for others still, a day of grief. I was fortunate to grow up in a home with a loving Mom. She stayed home when we were little kids, worked part-time when we were older, and never made us doubt her love for us. She wasn’t perfect, but she was always there. I know that’s not the reality for everyone. As a new Mom, I cannot imagine ever allowing my daughter to doubt my unconditional love for her. Her smile lights up my entire world and I would do anything for her. Regardless of her identity, sexuality, or the person she chooses to marry, her Dad and I will be there to love, support, and celebrate her. If you grew up with a different experience, a relationship that caused you pain, or a childhood that made you question your value, I want you to hear what this Mama has to say to you: You are loved. You are not a mistake. You are beautiful. You are important. You are invaluable. You were a blessing, a gift, truly a miracle. Your feelings are valid and your…
As I’ve been building new habits over the years, I’ve noticed most people, myself included, forget about one important part of the process: celebrating the small wins. It becomes so easy to focus on the goal exclusively that the thousands of small victories required to get there are completely overlooked or pale in comparison to the big successes. That sucks the joy out of life faster than hearing the words, “You’ve been summoned for jury duty.” And those words kill joy pretty quickly. In my opinion, we all need to give ourselves infinitely more credit in the process. These early experiences and lessons come long before the finish line and are typically the most challenging part. Creating new pathways in the brain is difficult, and it takes time. Reaching the finish line feels great, but what about the days you feel proud because you chose to show up when you didn’t want to and maintained that momentum? Those days are the building blocks of the entire goal. That’s where the magic, the learning, and the transformation happen. Credit shouldn’t just be reserved for the sparkle. It’s not all about the medal, the award, the speech, the champagne, or the confetti….
Dear future me, I’m so proud of you. You’ve overcome battles I know not of. I can’t imagine all you’ve been through this year. The tears you’ve cried, the tears you’ve calmed, the showers you’ve found a new appreciation for, the quiet moments you celebrate, and the small wins that feel lifesaving. I’m proud of you. I can only dream of her right now, but she picked us to be her Mom for a reason. She’s strong, sweet, silly, and wiggly because of us. She’s probably stubborn because of you, us. She’s growing faster than either of us wants her to. The pregnancy I’m living in today probably seems like another lifetime to you. Still, I’m proud of us. Through all the changes, the physical pains, the personal growth, and the learning curve of becoming parents, I hope you’ve gained a new appreciation for your husband and fallen more in love with him as a Dad. I hope your new title feels a little less foreign and a lot more natural. I hope you’ve found community in the most surprising places and I hope you’re writing it down. The memories, the silly stories, the moments of massive vulnerability; whatever it…
This morning, I sat down to write with an old song stuck in my head. It was Magic by B.O.B. It used to be one of my favorites in college. As I listen to the song, now on the third replay, I can’t help but take a walk down memory lane. All these sweet memories of college mornings when I was in an ultra-peppy mood, listening to my iPod as I walked to class, and generally feeling good about life that day. It was such a sweet and stressful time; when friends were so close, and it felt like anything was possible. It was just the beginning of adulthood. We’d build forts in shared living spaces and watch teenage dramas as we stared down the reality of choosing a major and career for the rest of our lives. The boys’ dorms were barely more than a bed and a laundry basket, while the girls’ dorms were beautifully decorated and smelled nice. We were all growing up together and playing with some of the boundaries of our bodies. Stay up all night before an exam? Sure. Go out to the bars on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night? Done and done. Walk…
“I really wish you wore pants so you could do more of this stuff.” – My husband, Tyler At 17 weeks pregnant, I no longer wear pants around my home. Only when I go out in public do I pull up those pesky pants with the restrictive waistbands. When I’m at home, attempting to be comfortable as comfort grows more elusive by the day, the first thing to go is the pants. When the doorbell rings, I wait for Tyler to answer, despite the massive window through which I can be seen and the stranger at the door can be seen. When Luna is barking in the backyard, disrupting the semi-quiet afternoons of our neighbors, I wait for Tyler to go and check on her, to quiet her. As he got up to check on Lu yesterday, he walked out of the room and said, “I really wish you wore pants so you could do more of this stuff.” I giggled to myself, happy to remain cozy on the couch under my soft blanket. Later that night I would cough and feel a little pee come out as I did so. I fervently believe he has the better end of…
This past weekend marked one year alcohol-free. For one whole year, I’ve intentionally chosen my mental health over alcohol. The choice came from waking up on a Sunday morning and feeling as if something was terribly wrong. I couldn’t name what exactly was wrong, but something needed to be fixed and fixed ASAP. I was panicked, scared, and stressed. I looked at my Husband and said, “Something is very wrong. I don’t know what, but I feel like it’s all about to fall apart.” The reality was everything was fine. My brain was just working against a large consumption of alcohol the night before. Drinking was never a large part of my life, but Friday and Saturday nights usually mean 2-3 drinks and a glass of wine on a weeknight date night. It was enough to throw my brain off balance and actively work against my medication. I could take my meds at the exact same time every day, but they weren’t doing any good when I was adding alcohol to the mix. I decided enough was enough. I had done so much work to reduce anxiety in my life and knew the biggest roadblock I was still facing was…
Can you remember the last time you believed in yourself? Can you remember the last time you honestly thought, “I think I could do that. I want to do that. I will do that.” Do you remember it? Can you remember the last time you did something without total confidence? Can you think of it? Do you remember what that felt like? How big did the fear feel? How real did the possibility of vulnerability fear? Did it stop you? I once shared with a friend my desire to write a book. She responded, “You’re a good writer but…a book? You don’t have THAT much value to share.” I once told a friend, “I would like to lose weight. My doctor said it would be a good idea. I’d like to see my body change and see the muscles I can feel growing.” She responded, “You’ve tried to lose weight before but you’re so weak around sweets. What makes you think this time will be any different?” I once shared with a friend, “I need a new job. I can’t do this anymore.” She responded, “I know work has been really hard, but what makes you think you’re qualified for…
How to hack your mental health this semester
My college years were a defining time in my mental health journey. Had I known then that what I was struggling with was anxiety, much of what I struggled with could have been very different. With the stress of shifting friendships, joining and leaving student organizations, a newfound sense of freedom, and the strain of full-time academics, I thought it was just how college was supposed to be. In hindsight, that didn’t have to be the truth. These are the 5 things I would have done differently to care for my mental health: If I could talk to my 18-22-year-old self, these are the tools I’d tell her to embrace. Without exception, anxiety and depression lose the battle in your mind when you choose to connect with a trusted, loved person in your life. Anxiety and depression lose when you speak about your struggle, rather than burying it down deep. If you’re going back to school this semester worried about how you’ll make it through another panic attack, another day when getting out of bed feels impossible, another day when the anxious thoughts are so loud you don’t know what’s true, I implore you to take these nuggets and include…
Your student-athletes are watching Simone Biles. Are you?
If you were one of the 32 million Americans reportedly tuning into the 2024 Olympics, you know Simone Biles had an amazing redemption tour. She’s brought a few medals home to add to her already impressive collection, but that is, arguably, not the most significant impact she made. Simone Biles spent 4 years working on her mental health. She returned to the Olympics and killed it. What is this teaching the millions of young female athletes watching and learning from her? Great athleticism and mental health do not have to be mutually exclusive. They watched the GOAT in her element with a genuine smile and a matt-side meditation practice. She challenged the idea that athletic success must be a miserable journey. Why? Because, as she says, “mental health matters”. This is a defining moment in the conversation around mental health in athletics. Your athletes are learning. They are celebrating her accomplishments and they are celebrating her bravery in her willingness to be vulnerable. Are you? As a coach, a mentor, or a leader in athletics, are you creating a safe space to discuss mental health? The reality is, this conversation saves lives. Even if we take Simone Biles’ passionate display…
A note on Mother’s Day
We’re approaching one of those hard days. For some, it’s a day of sweetness, for others a day of stress, and, for others still, a day of grief. I was fortunate to grow up in a home with a loving Mom. She stayed home when we were little kids, worked part-time when we were older, and never made us doubt her love for us. She wasn’t perfect, but she was always there. I know that’s not the reality for everyone. As a new Mom, I cannot imagine ever allowing my daughter to doubt my unconditional love for her. Her smile lights up my entire world and I would do anything for her. Regardless of her identity, sexuality, or the person she chooses to marry, her Dad and I will be there to love, support, and celebrate her. If you grew up with a different experience, a relationship that caused you pain, or a childhood that made you question your value, I want you to hear what this Mama has to say to you: You are loved. You are not a mistake. You are beautiful. You are important. You are invaluable. You were a blessing, a gift, truly a miracle. Your feelings are valid and your…
Celebrate before the finish line
As I’ve been building new habits over the years, I’ve noticed most people, myself included, forget about one important part of the process: celebrating the small wins. It becomes so easy to focus on the goal exclusively that the thousands of small victories required to get there are completely overlooked or pale in comparison to the big successes. That sucks the joy out of life faster than hearing the words, “You’ve been summoned for jury duty.” And those words kill joy pretty quickly. In my opinion, we all need to give ourselves infinitely more credit in the process. These early experiences and lessons come long before the finish line and are typically the most challenging part. Creating new pathways in the brain is difficult, and it takes time. Reaching the finish line feels great, but what about the days you feel proud because you chose to show up when you didn’t want to and maintained that momentum? Those days are the building blocks of the entire goal. That’s where the magic, the learning, and the transformation happen. Credit shouldn’t just be reserved for the sparkle. It’s not all about the medal, the award, the speech, the champagne, or the confetti….
Dear Mama,
Dear future me, I’m so proud of you. You’ve overcome battles I know not of. I can’t imagine all you’ve been through this year. The tears you’ve cried, the tears you’ve calmed, the showers you’ve found a new appreciation for, the quiet moments you celebrate, and the small wins that feel lifesaving. I’m proud of you. I can only dream of her right now, but she picked us to be her Mom for a reason. She’s strong, sweet, silly, and wiggly because of us. She’s probably stubborn because of you, us. She’s growing faster than either of us wants her to. The pregnancy I’m living in today probably seems like another lifetime to you. Still, I’m proud of us. Through all the changes, the physical pains, the personal growth, and the learning curve of becoming parents, I hope you’ve gained a new appreciation for your husband and fallen more in love with him as a Dad. I hope your new title feels a little less foreign and a lot more natural. I hope you’ve found community in the most surprising places and I hope you’re writing it down. The memories, the silly stories, the moments of massive vulnerability; whatever it…
A practice in grace
This morning, I sat down to write with an old song stuck in my head. It was Magic by B.O.B. It used to be one of my favorites in college. As I listen to the song, now on the third replay, I can’t help but take a walk down memory lane. All these sweet memories of college mornings when I was in an ultra-peppy mood, listening to my iPod as I walked to class, and generally feeling good about life that day. It was such a sweet and stressful time; when friends were so close, and it felt like anything was possible. It was just the beginning of adulthood. We’d build forts in shared living spaces and watch teenage dramas as we stared down the reality of choosing a major and career for the rest of our lives. The boys’ dorms were barely more than a bed and a laundry basket, while the girls’ dorms were beautifully decorated and smelled nice. We were all growing up together and playing with some of the boundaries of our bodies. Stay up all night before an exam? Sure. Go out to the bars on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night? Done and done. Walk…
17 weeks and counting
“I really wish you wore pants so you could do more of this stuff.” – My husband, Tyler At 17 weeks pregnant, I no longer wear pants around my home. Only when I go out in public do I pull up those pesky pants with the restrictive waistbands. When I’m at home, attempting to be comfortable as comfort grows more elusive by the day, the first thing to go is the pants. When the doorbell rings, I wait for Tyler to answer, despite the massive window through which I can be seen and the stranger at the door can be seen. When Luna is barking in the backyard, disrupting the semi-quiet afternoons of our neighbors, I wait for Tyler to go and check on her, to quiet her. As he got up to check on Lu yesterday, he walked out of the room and said, “I really wish you wore pants so you could do more of this stuff.” I giggled to myself, happy to remain cozy on the couch under my soft blanket. Later that night I would cough and feel a little pee come out as I did so. I fervently believe he has the better end of…
Alcohol-free anniversary: the first year
This past weekend marked one year alcohol-free. For one whole year, I’ve intentionally chosen my mental health over alcohol. The choice came from waking up on a Sunday morning and feeling as if something was terribly wrong. I couldn’t name what exactly was wrong, but something needed to be fixed and fixed ASAP. I was panicked, scared, and stressed. I looked at my Husband and said, “Something is very wrong. I don’t know what, but I feel like it’s all about to fall apart.” The reality was everything was fine. My brain was just working against a large consumption of alcohol the night before. Drinking was never a large part of my life, but Friday and Saturday nights usually mean 2-3 drinks and a glass of wine on a weeknight date night. It was enough to throw my brain off balance and actively work against my medication. I could take my meds at the exact same time every day, but they weren’t doing any good when I was adding alcohol to the mix. I decided enough was enough. I had done so much work to reduce anxiety in my life and knew the biggest roadblock I was still facing was…
The dark days are behind you
Author’s Note: This blog includes implications of self-harm and suicide.
Coffee with the voice of negativity
Can you remember the last time you believed in yourself? Can you remember the last time you honestly thought, “I think I could do that. I want to do that. I will do that.” Do you remember it? Can you remember the last time you did something without total confidence? Can you think of it? Do you remember what that felt like? How big did the fear feel? How real did the possibility of vulnerability fear? Did it stop you? I once shared with a friend my desire to write a book. She responded, “You’re a good writer but…a book? You don’t have THAT much value to share.” I once told a friend, “I would like to lose weight. My doctor said it would be a good idea. I’d like to see my body change and see the muscles I can feel growing.” She responded, “You’ve tried to lose weight before but you’re so weak around sweets. What makes you think this time will be any different?” I once shared with a friend, “I need a new job. I can’t do this anymore.” She responded, “I know work has been really hard, but what makes you think you’re qualified for…