Enough… I’ve never been able to wrap my hands around that word. I’ve tried to take deep breaths; to inhale and exhale “enough”. I’ve tried to trap that word in my lungs and memorize the feel of it dancing across my lips. I’ve felt it, but I’ve never been able to hold on to it. To see it on me, in my footprints. I’ve felt it, but a feeling is fleeting. Feelings roll in and pull away. That was how I experienced enough. It came to me when I was proud of myself, and left as soon as I felt imperfect. What I failed to understand is that enough never left me. I was the one who turned my eyes on enough, on me. I criticized me, I held myself to an impossible standard. Enough wasn’t the prize waiting at the finish line – no, enough was the energy and power coursing through my body as I continued to run the race. Enough didn’t shoot the gun to start the race, enough was the one whispering “we both know you can do this, keep going. I know it hurts; you’ve got this.” I was the one holding me back. I…
“You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices, or you can fight back. Things aren’t always going to be fair in the real world. That’s just the way it is, but for the most part, you get what you give. The rest of your life is being shaped right now—with the dreams you chase, the choices you make, and the person you decide to be. The rest of your life is a long time. And the rest of your life starts right now.” ~Keith Scott, One Tree Hill The future—it’s what we’ve been looking forward to ever since we could first remember, and it’s what we’ll keep looking to even at our last moments. Hope for the future is often what drives us, pushes and inspires us to get through even the darkest of days. We are living in a society that has instilled us with mindsets that always focus and prepare for the future. What do you want to be when you grow up? Where do you want to go to college? How are you going to pay for college? Are you even going to go to college? What’s your dream job?…
Like so many of you, I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to process the results of this election. I’ve felt tears, anger, confusion, and so much more. There was a moment when I was chatting with one of my dearest friends asking, “is there room for a Cammy Nelson in Canada?” while tears were streaming down my face. We all needed time to exhale, time to process the shock. Now, two weeks later, I have arrived at acceptance. This is not the acceptance you may be expecting. The acceptance I’ve reached stems from two very different places: History has a way of repeating itself. We had eight years of a Democratic administration. Rarely in our history as a nation has a party remained in the White House for more than two Presidential terms. Additionally, we can reflect on the election of the Nixon Administration. After progress came from the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960’s there was resistance as there was progress. The same can be seen in this election. Action is no longer an option; it is a necessity. Anyone who has studied history knows that great change comes from even greater sacrifice. It is no longer acceptable…
For the past little while our lives have mainly consisted of each other and our normal routine. Guys haven’t really been a big part of that routine but I think we both know that someday they will be a part of things and there is a chance that time is coming soon. It’s exciting and also kind of scary. I get a little nervous (and I know you do, too) thinking of how things will change. I’ve gotten afraid thinking of a guy coming between us and somehow pulling us apart. I love being your closest person and it makes me a little jealous to think of someone else being that person for you. But I know I’m not meant to be your forever person in that way. That’s scary but I think it’s best. I think the best part about it is that even though someday we’ll have husbands and will be so close to those people, the way we love them does not need to change or affect the way we love each other. When I’m dating someone, you’re going to be the first person I go to to talk about what is going on. I’m going to…
Back in July, I gave a talk at a weekend retreat for an organization called TEC. I basically had poured the toughest parts of my life out on paper and shared it with a room full of people I had just met that weekend along with my closest friends and a few guests I was allowed to invite. At the end, I was allowed to play one song while I received hugs from my family and everyone else in the room. The song I chose was Brothers by Needtobreathe. The lyrics perfectly describe the desperate need for love and support of others; my talk proved that I—as well as every other human being—can’t make it through this life alone. Every squeezing hug, tearful smile, and heartfelt prayer from this talk showed me how much love and support I have and how much I have given. To this day, I cannot listen to that song without returning to these moments and choking up or letting a tear hit the ground. Since I was little, I always loved adventure. I loved being away from home and trying new things. I was the girl that could easily go on a mission trip for…
I’m sitting here struggling to come up with a topic to write about this week. I feel lost and hypocritical. Who am I to be telling you to be brave when I struggle to do so every single day. High school wasn’t the best experience for me. I visited my hometown for the first time since I went to college this week and it was flashback city. Just driving down certain roads triggered so many memories, mostly bad, from my years here. It wasn’t a good time but it was a necessary time because it shaped who I am today. I guess I don’t give myself enough credit, I mean I might struggle to be brave every day, but I do it. I did it all through high school and there were moments where I didn’t think I would see 18 years old but I am here writing this blog. One of the things I value is transparency and honesty. I think there should be no other way to be. So I want to tell my brave stories but I want to tell my not so brave stories too. Being brave isn’t just admitting yourself to treatment or moving across…
I’ve never felt it more true than now that beauty is pain. This phrase is usually used in terms of physical beauty, but I think the saying is much truer when it comes to internal beauty. I’ve recently been going through a time of life with intense growing pains. Many of those pains have been related specifically to physical beauty which I’ll explain more in a moment. For the first time in a long time, I’ve had to face hidden insecurities to an intense degree. It’s like a floodlight turned on in my heart and all of a sudden I saw all the ugly— and all the pain causing it. In the past when insecurities would flare up I was able to run away from whatever was causing the pain. But I’ve been deciding to let those insecurities turn into growing pains in hopes that life looks and feels different on the other side. Now back to the mystery of physical beauty and how it should really be defined. This is still a little tricky for me to navigate and explain so bear with me — I spent most of my time in middle school feeling bad about how I…
Two weekends ago, I was blessed with the privilege to attend Young Life College Weekend in Ocklawaha, Florida. For those who might not know, Young Life is a youth ministry that is fun-filled and devoted to strengthening each individual’s faith. Just showing up in the parking lot to head out for the weekend was a giant leap of faith for me. I barely knew anyone (I’m awful at remembering names), and I had no idea exactly what I was getting myself into. Taking the initiative to put myself out there and introduce myself to new people is awkward, out of my comfort zone, and just something I’m not confident in doing, but I told myself that college is a time for everything new, so I put on my brave face and got in a car with three other girls and made the 3.5 hour road trip to the campsite. The weekend was everything I needed and more. Colleges from all over Florida attended the weekend, so I was surrounded by hundreds of new faces. The campsite itself was unbelievably beautiful, with a lake waterfront, beach volleyball courts, a three-story giant swing, and a giant pool with a waterslide, not to…
When I was just about 20 years old, I decided to (despite the disapproval of my family and friends) take a year off of school. I was not happy with my lukewarm life, I was craving something more, something completely different and I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly that was. So I did what a lot of people do when they feel how I felt; I travelled. I left the country for my first time in my life and I travelled nearly 9,000 miles to Thailand, to assist an acupuncturist in her mission to provide medical relief to the ethnic minority refugees from Myanmar. Little did I know this moment of bravery would completely shape me for who I am today, 6 years later. Today, I am almost 26 and living in a rural community in Ecuador as a Peace Corps Volunteer living my real-life dream, rereading the journal entries I wrote while I was in Thailand, some were as followed: “They transport people in the back of trucks and people ride motos with 5 people on them!” “A lot of people aren’t wearing shoes” “I met a woman named Dee, she escaped from the ethnic cleansing in…
Just like being healthy, being brave looks different for everyone. For some, closing a business deal is being brave, but for others it might just be getting out of bed. For me, it’s being who I am every day, regardless of what that looks like to others. When I was in 11th grade I was in a treatment program for an eating disorder. Along the way I blogged about everything. I shared my struggle with what felt like the world. I lived in a small town so it really did feel like everyone was reading what I wrote. While I was going through this it was very therapeutic for me. I’m not sure if it was sharing my story and possibly helping or inspiring others or if it was a way for me to come to terms with what was happening. I loved it until one day I couldn’t write anymore. I would sit in front of my computer to type and go numb. I started to get this feeling when I would do anything that involved sharing myself socially from posting Instagram photos, or sharing something on Facebook. The thought of everyone knowing everything about me and that…
Enough
Enough… I’ve never been able to wrap my hands around that word. I’ve tried to take deep breaths; to inhale and exhale “enough”. I’ve tried to trap that word in my lungs and memorize the feel of it dancing across my lips. I’ve felt it, but I’ve never been able to hold on to it. To see it on me, in my footprints. I’ve felt it, but a feeling is fleeting. Feelings roll in and pull away. That was how I experienced enough. It came to me when I was proud of myself, and left as soon as I felt imperfect. What I failed to understand is that enough never left me. I was the one who turned my eyes on enough, on me. I criticized me, I held myself to an impossible standard. Enough wasn’t the prize waiting at the finish line – no, enough was the energy and power coursing through my body as I continued to run the race. Enough didn’t shoot the gun to start the race, enough was the one whispering “we both know you can do this, keep going. I know it hurts; you’ve got this.” I was the one holding me back. I…
The Starting Line
“You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices, or you can fight back. Things aren’t always going to be fair in the real world. That’s just the way it is, but for the most part, you get what you give. The rest of your life is being shaped right now—with the dreams you chase, the choices you make, and the person you decide to be. The rest of your life is a long time. And the rest of your life starts right now.” ~Keith Scott, One Tree Hill The future—it’s what we’ve been looking forward to ever since we could first remember, and it’s what we’ll keep looking to even at our last moments. Hope for the future is often what drives us, pushes and inspires us to get through even the darkest of days. We are living in a society that has instilled us with mindsets that always focus and prepare for the future. What do you want to be when you grow up? Where do you want to go to college? How are you going to pay for college? Are you even going to go to college? What’s your dream job?…
Two Weeks After November 8th: Acceptance
Like so many of you, I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to process the results of this election. I’ve felt tears, anger, confusion, and so much more. There was a moment when I was chatting with one of my dearest friends asking, “is there room for a Cammy Nelson in Canada?” while tears were streaming down my face. We all needed time to exhale, time to process the shock. Now, two weeks later, I have arrived at acceptance. This is not the acceptance you may be expecting. The acceptance I’ve reached stems from two very different places: History has a way of repeating itself. We had eight years of a Democratic administration. Rarely in our history as a nation has a party remained in the White House for more than two Presidential terms. Additionally, we can reflect on the election of the Nixon Administration. After progress came from the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960’s there was resistance as there was progress. The same can be seen in this election. Action is no longer an option; it is a necessity. Anyone who has studied history knows that great change comes from even greater sacrifice. It is no longer acceptable…
To My Best Friend
For the past little while our lives have mainly consisted of each other and our normal routine. Guys haven’t really been a big part of that routine but I think we both know that someday they will be a part of things and there is a chance that time is coming soon. It’s exciting and also kind of scary. I get a little nervous (and I know you do, too) thinking of how things will change. I’ve gotten afraid thinking of a guy coming between us and somehow pulling us apart. I love being your closest person and it makes me a little jealous to think of someone else being that person for you. But I know I’m not meant to be your forever person in that way. That’s scary but I think it’s best. I think the best part about it is that even though someday we’ll have husbands and will be so close to those people, the way we love them does not need to change or affect the way we love each other. When I’m dating someone, you’re going to be the first person I go to to talk about what is going on. I’m going to…
From The Girl Who Has Never Been Homesick
Back in July, I gave a talk at a weekend retreat for an organization called TEC. I basically had poured the toughest parts of my life out on paper and shared it with a room full of people I had just met that weekend along with my closest friends and a few guests I was allowed to invite. At the end, I was allowed to play one song while I received hugs from my family and everyone else in the room. The song I chose was Brothers by Needtobreathe. The lyrics perfectly describe the desperate need for love and support of others; my talk proved that I—as well as every other human being—can’t make it through this life alone. Every squeezing hug, tearful smile, and heartfelt prayer from this talk showed me how much love and support I have and how much I have given. To this day, I cannot listen to that song without returning to these moments and choking up or letting a tear hit the ground. Since I was little, I always loved adventure. I loved being away from home and trying new things. I was the girl that could easily go on a mission trip for…
Searching for Brave
I’m sitting here struggling to come up with a topic to write about this week. I feel lost and hypocritical. Who am I to be telling you to be brave when I struggle to do so every single day. High school wasn’t the best experience for me. I visited my hometown for the first time since I went to college this week and it was flashback city. Just driving down certain roads triggered so many memories, mostly bad, from my years here. It wasn’t a good time but it was a necessary time because it shaped who I am today. I guess I don’t give myself enough credit, I mean I might struggle to be brave every day, but I do it. I did it all through high school and there were moments where I didn’t think I would see 18 years old but I am here writing this blog. One of the things I value is transparency and honesty. I think there should be no other way to be. So I want to tell my brave stories but I want to tell my not so brave stories too. Being brave isn’t just admitting yourself to treatment or moving across…
Growing Pains
I’ve never felt it more true than now that beauty is pain. This phrase is usually used in terms of physical beauty, but I think the saying is much truer when it comes to internal beauty. I’ve recently been going through a time of life with intense growing pains. Many of those pains have been related specifically to physical beauty which I’ll explain more in a moment. For the first time in a long time, I’ve had to face hidden insecurities to an intense degree. It’s like a floodlight turned on in my heart and all of a sudden I saw all the ugly— and all the pain causing it. In the past when insecurities would flare up I was able to run away from whatever was causing the pain. But I’ve been deciding to let those insecurities turn into growing pains in hopes that life looks and feels different on the other side. Now back to the mystery of physical beauty and how it should really be defined. This is still a little tricky for me to navigate and explain so bear with me — I spent most of my time in middle school feeling bad about how I…
Life in Reverse
Two weekends ago, I was blessed with the privilege to attend Young Life College Weekend in Ocklawaha, Florida. For those who might not know, Young Life is a youth ministry that is fun-filled and devoted to strengthening each individual’s faith. Just showing up in the parking lot to head out for the weekend was a giant leap of faith for me. I barely knew anyone (I’m awful at remembering names), and I had no idea exactly what I was getting myself into. Taking the initiative to put myself out there and introduce myself to new people is awkward, out of my comfort zone, and just something I’m not confident in doing, but I told myself that college is a time for everything new, so I put on my brave face and got in a car with three other girls and made the 3.5 hour road trip to the campsite. The weekend was everything I needed and more. Colleges from all over Florida attended the weekend, so I was surrounded by hundreds of new faces. The campsite itself was unbelievably beautiful, with a lake waterfront, beach volleyball courts, a three-story giant swing, and a giant pool with a waterslide, not to…
I was brave once. That was when my whole life changed.
When I was just about 20 years old, I decided to (despite the disapproval of my family and friends) take a year off of school. I was not happy with my lukewarm life, I was craving something more, something completely different and I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly that was. So I did what a lot of people do when they feel how I felt; I travelled. I left the country for my first time in my life and I travelled nearly 9,000 miles to Thailand, to assist an acupuncturist in her mission to provide medical relief to the ethnic minority refugees from Myanmar. Little did I know this moment of bravery would completely shape me for who I am today, 6 years later. Today, I am almost 26 and living in a rural community in Ecuador as a Peace Corps Volunteer living my real-life dream, rereading the journal entries I wrote while I was in Thailand, some were as followed: “They transport people in the back of trucks and people ride motos with 5 people on them!” “A lot of people aren’t wearing shoes” “I met a woman named Dee, she escaped from the ethnic cleansing in…
Behind the Catchy Caption
Just like being healthy, being brave looks different for everyone. For some, closing a business deal is being brave, but for others it might just be getting out of bed. For me, it’s being who I am every day, regardless of what that looks like to others. When I was in 11th grade I was in a treatment program for an eating disorder. Along the way I blogged about everything. I shared my struggle with what felt like the world. I lived in a small town so it really did feel like everyone was reading what I wrote. While I was going through this it was very therapeutic for me. I’m not sure if it was sharing my story and possibly helping or inspiring others or if it was a way for me to come to terms with what was happening. I loved it until one day I couldn’t write anymore. I would sit in front of my computer to type and go numb. I started to get this feeling when I would do anything that involved sharing myself socially from posting Instagram photos, or sharing something on Facebook. The thought of everyone knowing everything about me and that…