“I hate her” “We hate her” They chuckled together, like the shared disdain for one human in particular created a bond. They felt comfortable standing in that statement. Or, at least comfortable enough to say those words at a higher volume than they should while in the middle of the jewelry section at Target. I kept sifting through the earrings in front of me. I cringed as I overheard the conversation. My nose squished, my shoulders lifted a little closer to my ears, and I felt my body lean away. These five young women, presumably college students getting ready to return to class, were discussing their plans for football attire while tearing down another girl. It was simultaneously painful and infuriating to listen to. “She talks about everyone like she’s better than them. We don’t like her anymore.” The irony was missed entirely. The figurative pot called the kettle black, and they didn’t even realize it. They were doing the very thing they were criticizing this girl about, while trying to make themselves feel better about it all by throwing “we” into the sentence. It created the worst kind of “me too” moment while engaging in a toxic pattern –…
A few years back, I went to a new year’s goal setting workshop. My nerves were higher than normal as I walked into a room of strangers and found my seat. There were only about 7 women in the workshop, but it was enough to feel the shared desire for change upon entry. It was a perceptively exciting fresh start to a new year. It was 2017. In the middle of the table, sat a bucket of small rocks and an assortment of markers. “Oh here we go” I thought “we’re going to have to write something on the rocks aren’t we…. How much did I pay for this workshop again?”. The cynicism I felt had already taken root and the workshop was barely underway. Yes, I, Cammy Nelson, had one foot out the door in a personal growth workshop before it even had a chance to begin. Maybe you’ve been in those very shoes, yourself? I picked my rock from the group. Per usual, I wanted something with a color in the blue family and a soft texture. Something that didn’t offer much resistance. I wanted to be comfortable with the way the rock felt it my hand. I…
I’m two and a half months into my first year of grad school. At this point, I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, intimidated, terrified of failure, in desperate search of a reason to quit, and working harder than I ever have. It was a Thursday night and I had only one more class in the morning to get through before the relief of the weekend would settle in. A “relief” that would still wake me at six AM in a panic to get everything done perfectly. These were miserable days. That night, I sat down in the living room of the beautiful condo I was fortunate to be renting and opened the assigned textbook for the next morning. That’s when it all started. As I opened the textbook, my eyes fell upon the 12 point, single spaced font. There were two columns on each page. There were hundreds of pages to get through. It soon dawned on me there was more to read than I could possibly get through that night. Even as I write this, I can feel myself back in that moment. The sheer panic building as the tears were starting to well up for the umpteenth time that week and…
My boyfriend recently told me that I “should buy some bigger pants” (insert sound of every women shaking her head here). Poor guy didn’t even realize what he was saying. He made the comment and my thoughts went in exactly one direction – – – > can you guess what it was? If you’re a man reading this, you might be thinking he was just telling me that my pants looked uncomfortable. If you’re a woman, however, you probably know EXACTLY what I began thinking….Is he telling me I need to lose weight?Does he still think I’m attractive?Do I even look good to him?Do I look like I’m bursting out of these pants?Ugh, I’ve been struggling lately and this just proves that point. I’ve gained weight and the doctor will show me the red numbers on the screen and tell me I need to see a nutritionist again (see my previous blog post for the full story here). I can’t win this… I don’t want him to see me anymore. Suddenly, I was quiet. I barely said two words for the next hour. He knew something was wrong, but he didn’t know what. HE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WAS WRONG. Ladies, this Is what…
At my heaviest, I was a pants size 18 and an XL top. I was also a freshman in high school. My two closest friends were both strikingly beautiful and I was happy. There was no part of me that considered myself “too big”. Looking back on it, I know that there were physical indications that I was at an unhealthy weight, but I shook it off. It wasn’t a cause for concern. There was consistently raw skin on the bottom of my stomach from my belt rubbing against my belly. I remember complaining about “saggy butt problems” because the extra stretchy denim I loved would stretch out too much and drape around my butt where there was extra fabric but not enough booty. Nearly every outfit I wore included a sweatshirt. Not because I wanted to hide my body, but because that was as creative as I was willing to get as a teenager waking up at 6 AM. There would be no makeup, no real hairstyle. It was all me and I was happy with that. In fact, I wanted to help any woman who looked at their body and felt shame. I knew I was beautiful and…
The last few weeks have been HARD. My car was stolen (more on this later), I had a rental car for a couple weeks, I moved to a new apartment, I went through the process of buying a new car, found the stolen car 5 weeks after it was stolen, and I am now in the process of feeling secure in my car once again. It has been an emotional and psychological rollercoaster that I do not recommend. Unfortunately, life tends to throw things into life that we don’t expect and we’re all forced to deal whether we like it or not. That being said, I wanted to offer some helpful suggestions for getting through the tough times with strength and grace. 1. Feel all the feelings. Confusion, shock, pain, heartbreak, anger, fury, fear, anxiety, frustration, impatience… those are just a few of the emotions I felt the first day when I realized my car was gone. I cried. A lot. My thoughts became hurt and angry; I was confused as to why someone would do this. Despite the pain and negativity I was feeling, I allowed myself to feel all of it. Trying to avoid any of it wouldn’t allow me to get to where I…
Hello, my name is Cammy and I am a recovering perfectionist. That’s a sentence I jokingly say to many if not every one of my audiences. People can relate. Women can relate. I can laugh it off, just as they do, knowing that it’s not my entire identity and that using the word “recovering” in the sentence is like throwing everyone a liferaft before getting uncomfortable with my story. There’s no chance to drown in the pain and I’m able to keep it light enough that they feel secure in their continued listening. As an audience, they’re likely stuck with me for an hour, so we might as well laugh about it together. In reality, many of the women in that audience will feel what I’m saying deeply. We are recovering perfectionists. A struggle that is entirely mental and presents itself physically in multiple different ways. A monster that is subtle at times and all-consuming at others. It’s an experience that isn’t discussed because the secret, the imperfection, is revealed when you really talk to people about what’s going on. The nasty little voice keeps a perfectionist isolated, pained, searching for some way to fill the bottomless pit of desire…
The holidays are officially behind us and we are well on our way into the new year! Happy 2019! How many of you created a new years resolution? I imagine it sounded something like this.. – Exercise more – Lose weight – Eat more healthily – Take a more active approach to health – Learn something new – Spend more time on well-being – Drink less alcohol If you can see yourself in one of these resolutions, I want to cheer you on and let you know this change is absolutely possible for you! You CAN make this change. We just need to work on a little something as you shift into this new habit. If you’re only a week into this new year and you already feel like giving up – don’t! You’ve done that too many times before and you deserve more than that. Instead of criticizing yourself for falling off track, try taking a new approach. Together, we can get you to that end goal you crave for yourself. As a coach, I’m here to support you and your goals! As a human, I know it’s not always easy to make changes. I’ve had to make changes…
Throughout the entirety of my middle and high school experience, I was terrified of boys. I did not understand them and the thought of interacting with one who was interested in me was like standing naked in the middle of the school commons. I had 0, and I mean ZERO interest in that attention. Did I have crushes on boys? Yes, but God knows I wasn’t going to do anything about it. One of my most distinct memories of these “romantic” interactions I so feared took place in middle school. One boy in particular had been interested in me for a few years. I was aware, but as I already said, I had no interest in reciprocating these feelings. He was not prepared to take no for an answer. Neither was his best friend. One day in particular, I remember his best friend repeatedly asking me to “go out” with this boy. Mind you, “going out” in middle school simply meant people would know we were “together”. His best friend repeatedly found me throughout the day and kept asking, “will you go out with him?” Each time I would respond with a strong no. In between classes, while passing…
The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book. This portion, in particular, comes from a chapter on having the courage to choose yourself and healing your heart. I’ve been in the repetitive cycle when I could count on disappointment and felt at fault for everything. He is never going to suddenly change and choose you. It’s on you to choose you. I know this is a lot easier said than done, but love is not supposed to hurt. Love is not supposed to hurt. Love is not supposed to hurt. I’m still working through some of my own desire to dive into a old habits, but I’m in a much happier place now than I was when I was deeply invested in that relationship. The girl that ran the show when I was in that relationship is not who I am now. She was hurt, sad, confused, and constantly searched for some validation from him. I look back on her and have so much love for her heart. She tried so hard, gave up so much of herself to make that relationship work. She was doing the best she could. She was doing the best she could with…
The Worst Kind of “Me Too” Moment
“I hate her” “We hate her” They chuckled together, like the shared disdain for one human in particular created a bond. They felt comfortable standing in that statement. Or, at least comfortable enough to say those words at a higher volume than they should while in the middle of the jewelry section at Target. I kept sifting through the earrings in front of me. I cringed as I overheard the conversation. My nose squished, my shoulders lifted a little closer to my ears, and I felt my body lean away. These five young women, presumably college students getting ready to return to class, were discussing their plans for football attire while tearing down another girl. It was simultaneously painful and infuriating to listen to. “She talks about everyone like she’s better than them. We don’t like her anymore.” The irony was missed entirely. The figurative pot called the kettle black, and they didn’t even realize it. They were doing the very thing they were criticizing this girl about, while trying to make themselves feel better about it all by throwing “we” into the sentence. It created the worst kind of “me too” moment while engaging in a toxic pattern –…
Walking with Surrender
A few years back, I went to a new year’s goal setting workshop. My nerves were higher than normal as I walked into a room of strangers and found my seat. There were only about 7 women in the workshop, but it was enough to feel the shared desire for change upon entry. It was a perceptively exciting fresh start to a new year. It was 2017. In the middle of the table, sat a bucket of small rocks and an assortment of markers. “Oh here we go” I thought “we’re going to have to write something on the rocks aren’t we…. How much did I pay for this workshop again?”. The cynicism I felt had already taken root and the workshop was barely underway. Yes, I, Cammy Nelson, had one foot out the door in a personal growth workshop before it even had a chance to begin. Maybe you’ve been in those very shoes, yourself? I picked my rock from the group. Per usual, I wanted something with a color in the blue family and a soft texture. Something that didn’t offer much resistance. I wanted to be comfortable with the way the rock felt it my hand. I…
The Night that Changed it All
I’m two and a half months into my first year of grad school. At this point, I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, intimidated, terrified of failure, in desperate search of a reason to quit, and working harder than I ever have. It was a Thursday night and I had only one more class in the morning to get through before the relief of the weekend would settle in. A “relief” that would still wake me at six AM in a panic to get everything done perfectly. These were miserable days. That night, I sat down in the living room of the beautiful condo I was fortunate to be renting and opened the assigned textbook for the next morning. That’s when it all started. As I opened the textbook, my eyes fell upon the 12 point, single spaced font. There were two columns on each page. There were hundreds of pages to get through. It soon dawned on me there was more to read than I could possibly get through that night. Even as I write this, I can feel myself back in that moment. The sheer panic building as the tears were starting to well up for the umpteenth time that week and…
Lost in Translation
My boyfriend recently told me that I “should buy some bigger pants” (insert sound of every women shaking her head here). Poor guy didn’t even realize what he was saying. He made the comment and my thoughts went in exactly one direction – – – > can you guess what it was? If you’re a man reading this, you might be thinking he was just telling me that my pants looked uncomfortable. If you’re a woman, however, you probably know EXACTLY what I began thinking….Is he telling me I need to lose weight?Does he still think I’m attractive?Do I even look good to him?Do I look like I’m bursting out of these pants?Ugh, I’ve been struggling lately and this just proves that point. I’ve gained weight and the doctor will show me the red numbers on the screen and tell me I need to see a nutritionist again (see my previous blog post for the full story here). I can’t win this… I don’t want him to see me anymore. Suddenly, I was quiet. I barely said two words for the next hour. He knew something was wrong, but he didn’t know what. HE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WAS WRONG. Ladies, this Is what…
Mind vs. Body
At my heaviest, I was a pants size 18 and an XL top. I was also a freshman in high school. My two closest friends were both strikingly beautiful and I was happy. There was no part of me that considered myself “too big”. Looking back on it, I know that there were physical indications that I was at an unhealthy weight, but I shook it off. It wasn’t a cause for concern. There was consistently raw skin on the bottom of my stomach from my belt rubbing against my belly. I remember complaining about “saggy butt problems” because the extra stretchy denim I loved would stretch out too much and drape around my butt where there was extra fabric but not enough booty. Nearly every outfit I wore included a sweatshirt. Not because I wanted to hide my body, but because that was as creative as I was willing to get as a teenager waking up at 6 AM. There would be no makeup, no real hairstyle. It was all me and I was happy with that. In fact, I wanted to help any woman who looked at their body and felt shame. I knew I was beautiful and…
My Top 5 Strategies for the Garbage Fire Days of Life
The last few weeks have been HARD. My car was stolen (more on this later), I had a rental car for a couple weeks, I moved to a new apartment, I went through the process of buying a new car, found the stolen car 5 weeks after it was stolen, and I am now in the process of feeling secure in my car once again. It has been an emotional and psychological rollercoaster that I do not recommend. Unfortunately, life tends to throw things into life that we don’t expect and we’re all forced to deal whether we like it or not. That being said, I wanted to offer some helpful suggestions for getting through the tough times with strength and grace. 1. Feel all the feelings. Confusion, shock, pain, heartbreak, anger, fury, fear, anxiety, frustration, impatience… those are just a few of the emotions I felt the first day when I realized my car was gone. I cried. A lot. My thoughts became hurt and angry; I was confused as to why someone would do this. Despite the pain and negativity I was feeling, I allowed myself to feel all of it. Trying to avoid any of it wouldn’t allow me to get to where I…
The Pursuit of Perfection
Hello, my name is Cammy and I am a recovering perfectionist. That’s a sentence I jokingly say to many if not every one of my audiences. People can relate. Women can relate. I can laugh it off, just as they do, knowing that it’s not my entire identity and that using the word “recovering” in the sentence is like throwing everyone a liferaft before getting uncomfortable with my story. There’s no chance to drown in the pain and I’m able to keep it light enough that they feel secure in their continued listening. As an audience, they’re likely stuck with me for an hour, so we might as well laugh about it together. In reality, many of the women in that audience will feel what I’m saying deeply. We are recovering perfectionists. A struggle that is entirely mental and presents itself physically in multiple different ways. A monster that is subtle at times and all-consuming at others. It’s an experience that isn’t discussed because the secret, the imperfection, is revealed when you really talk to people about what’s going on. The nasty little voice keeps a perfectionist isolated, pained, searching for some way to fill the bottomless pit of desire…
5 Simple Steps To Crush Your Goals!
The holidays are officially behind us and we are well on our way into the new year! Happy 2019! How many of you created a new years resolution? I imagine it sounded something like this.. – Exercise more – Lose weight – Eat more healthily – Take a more active approach to health – Learn something new – Spend more time on well-being – Drink less alcohol If you can see yourself in one of these resolutions, I want to cheer you on and let you know this change is absolutely possible for you! You CAN make this change. We just need to work on a little something as you shift into this new habit. If you’re only a week into this new year and you already feel like giving up – don’t! You’ve done that too many times before and you deserve more than that. Instead of criticizing yourself for falling off track, try taking a new approach. Together, we can get you to that end goal you crave for yourself. As a coach, I’m here to support you and your goals! As a human, I know it’s not always easy to make changes. I’ve had to make changes…
Running From The Mob
Throughout the entirety of my middle and high school experience, I was terrified of boys. I did not understand them and the thought of interacting with one who was interested in me was like standing naked in the middle of the school commons. I had 0, and I mean ZERO interest in that attention. Did I have crushes on boys? Yes, but God knows I wasn’t going to do anything about it. One of my most distinct memories of these “romantic” interactions I so feared took place in middle school. One boy in particular had been interested in me for a few years. I was aware, but as I already said, I had no interest in reciprocating these feelings. He was not prepared to take no for an answer. Neither was his best friend. One day in particular, I remember his best friend repeatedly asking me to “go out” with this boy. Mind you, “going out” in middle school simply meant people would know we were “together”. His best friend repeatedly found me throughout the day and kept asking, “will you go out with him?” Each time I would respond with a strong no. In between classes, while passing…
It’s Not Supposed To Hurt
The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book. This portion, in particular, comes from a chapter on having the courage to choose yourself and healing your heart. I’ve been in the repetitive cycle when I could count on disappointment and felt at fault for everything. He is never going to suddenly change and choose you. It’s on you to choose you. I know this is a lot easier said than done, but love is not supposed to hurt. Love is not supposed to hurt. Love is not supposed to hurt. I’m still working through some of my own desire to dive into a old habits, but I’m in a much happier place now than I was when I was deeply invested in that relationship. The girl that ran the show when I was in that relationship is not who I am now. She was hurt, sad, confused, and constantly searched for some validation from him. I look back on her and have so much love for her heart. She tried so hard, gave up so much of herself to make that relationship work. She was doing the best she could. She was doing the best she could with…